happy happy birthday anson (>_<)

[my last blog for 2006]

it's been another very twisted year filled with laughs, tears, shock and disappointment. lately, things have been calm which is the way i prefer it to be. this past year has had its rough times but i got through it with the help of some friends. i guess what separates this year from the ones previous was that i got my first job. though it was not a glamorous job, i made enough money to buy some pricey items. 2006 is also a year when i spent the most money. i came to realize that the more money you have, the more you are going to spend. i just got my first visa, so i'm afraid next year will be another year of impulse buying. haha. despite the superficial happiness that materialistic things bring, i want to be happy for the right reasons. i want next year to be a chance for me to fix broken relationships and make better the existing ones. sometimes i ask, 'why are things the way they are?' deep down i know the answer and it's because of me. maybe it's time to let my guard down and accept reality. with regard to all the dramatic changes at home, i'm just glad my family and i have managed to stick together. nothing really matters as long as everybody is safe and healthy. i hope the coming year will bring everyone happiness, prosperity and great health!

happy new year dudes!

[too much]

another day, another let down. i have once again been hurt. the things he said left me speechless. how can anyone be so unfair? i always thought he knew i cared and that i loved him. i guess it's never enough. promises were made but will they remain unbroken? the only way to find out is to wait. i just wish he would get over this immature phase soon. i get so upset and heartbroken when i know that i can't help him. he needs to be stronger. i am there for him but it's starting to kill me inside. i'd shed a thousand tears just to see him smile. i am lost without him. i feel so helpless yet i want to be helpful to him. i want to be by his side and be his "bestest."

[i do it for u] - nick lachey

i want u to burn.
i want u to steal.
i want u to bleed,
and see how it feels.

i want u to beg,
i want u to crawl.
give more than u take,
and smile through it all.
and know that everything u do,
i do it for u.
.....i do it for u.

[my last effort]

i am really tired. tired from work. tired from life. tired from dealing with the same sh*t over and over again. i don't know how much longer i can stand doing this. why can't he ever be satisfied? i warned him that it would not work out but he didn't listen and now he's back in the cycle. he's made a fool once again. i try so hard each and every day to make him smile, to make him happy. in the end, my effort is always wasted and unappreciated. all i want is for him to be happy.

"happiness is knowing when to stop doing something wrong."

[confused?!?]

i got a very shocking phone call at 4am this morning. i don't know what to say and i really don't know how i feel about it. i don't think he's told me everything but in the end, i just want to see him happy.

baby - i am here for u always.